I wasn't sure if I should post this or not, but Brian did share part of the story in church this morning, so I will share it here too. In respect for the person involved I will not mention a name and will not break confidentiality by disclosing specifics. I am not writing this to boost my ego or to make myself look good because the opposite is true in terms of my feelings about this. I also do not intend to make anyone feel guilty or to judge anyone else who has been in this situation in the past. I do want to start with this verse which came to our minds several times between the hours of 3:30-7pm on Friday.
Matthew 25: 34-40 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’
Brian sent this text "I have a homeless woman in my office that I am trying to help. Not sure what to do. I called a shelter and left a message. They are supposed to call me back." After several more texts we agreed that I should go to church to simply be there to help if necessary. We weren't thrilled about taking the kids but having limited options I quickly packed a bag with some entertainment options and snacks. I simply told Mikayla we were going to help daddy help someone who needed help. After arriving I began to get the sense that this was going to be a lengthy event. I called my mom, who happened to be on her way home from work and 2-3 minutes away, and like always she came to my rescue without needing an explanation. I thankfully had brought some drinks and banana bread with me so we gave her a little food while we continued to call shelters and kept getting the same response, no room. After each no Brian received, he also got another number to call. After a little while Brian ran home to get some chicken soup that I had made that afternoon in preparation for our supper that night. After a dozen or so calls were made and 3 1/2 hours had passed, we told her that we simply didn't have the resources to help her. She begged us not to send her back out on the street. We didn't know what to do. She had family but no relationship with them. There were no shelters available. And it was pouring. And cold. We finally convinced her that we did all we could for her and she reluctantly agreed. Thanked us and took her bag of food and left. She sat on the back porch of the ministry center for another 5 minutes while we stood inside desperately trying to decide if we did in fact do EVERYTHING we could. We struggled with justifying our actions and feeling a strong sense that we didn't do what God was asking us. We allowed fear to dictate our actions. Did we really do everything we could? The simple answer is no. We have a warm home and more than enough room. Why didn't we let her stay with us? We were afraid. Did we use our children as an excuse? Maybe we should have driven her to a hotel and paid for a night there. Did we use our financial situation as an excuse? We didn't fully trust her based on some serious mistakes in the past. I kept making excuses every time she asked to hold Caden in the half hour he was there. She asked me what street I grew up on and I carefully navigated around the question and didn't fully answer. Fear. Who am I to judge what she has done in the past? I'm pretty sure God doesn't tell us to first assess a situation and/or a person before helping. Why did God place this woman in our lives? Were we being tested? If so I'm pretty sure we failed. She did eventually disappear into the pouring rain. And we left and headed to my parents house to heat up some leftover supper that they had picked up for us. I was shaking. Not because I feared for our lives or anything like that. Was she unstable? Yes. But not in a way that would make us question what she was capable of. I kept going between feelings of "we did A, B, and C for her" and "we didn't do A, B, and C for her". So I sit here still unsure. Torn. Why did I share this? I never wanted this blog to be place to brag about wonderful our life is. Instead I intended to be honest about both blessings and struggles. How will this one instance stand up in the grand scheme of things? I'm not sure. We could very easily forget it ever happened. I doubt we will see her again. Though being in Prospect Park could present a similar scenario in the future. I honestly hope I don't forget. I hope and pray that this is a turning point in our life. I often justify how much we have because we don't have as much as other people. But do we still have too much? I am working very hard on being content. However is God really calling me to be content with too much? Or is He really calling me to give till it hurts? I was doing the dishes yesterday afternoon while listening to our Youth Group Retreat CD for this coming weekend. This song came on and struck a cord with me. The lines about being selfish and making excuses really hit hard. And I despised the fact that while this woman was begging to sleep for 10 minutes on the couch I was frustrated that our only night home as a family just got ruined. I was able to push that thought away but why did it come? So here's the song. And please pray for this woman and all those who live without basic necessities every single day.
"In The Light" w/ Jamie Grace (Acoustic)
I keep trying to find a life
On my own, apart from You
I am the king of excuses
I've got one for every selfish thing I do
What's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
(chorus)
I wanna be in the Light
As You are in the Light
I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens
Oh, Lord be my Light and be my salvation
Cause all I want is to be in the Light
All I want is to be in the Light
The disease of self runs through my blood
It's a cancer fatal to my soul
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
To bring this sickness under control
Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That I'm still a man in need of a Savior
(repeat chorus)
Honesty becomes me [There's nothing left to lose]
The secrets that did run me [In Your presence are defused]
Pride has no position [And riches have no worth]
The fear that once did cover me [Has been sentenced to this Earth]
Has been sentenced to this Earth
Tell me, what's going on inside of me?
I despise my own behavior
This only serves to confirm my suspicions
That we are all in need of a Savior
Katherine, I have read your post a few times now, and have been trying to write words that are not coming very easily. I am glad you shared, because I am not going to lie, I did wonder the outcome of the situation Brian spoke of this morning. You are correct in saying this is probably not the last time you will be in this situation, probably not the same circumstances, but definitely not the last time when you will need to struggle with yourself and with God about what exactly you are to do. You cannot question your actions with the knowledge that what you did provide her is more than what she had an hour before showing up on the ministry center's doorstep. I remember an Easter a long time ago, and dad, in Everett fashion, took in a woman from the streets to Easter dinner. This woman obviously had some addiction problems, and was wandering around our house and asking to take a nap on my parent's bed. I remember Mom and Dad talking and deciding to take her back from wherever she came from, and I remember how difficult that was for dad. To this day, we still talk about that Easter. Lesson learned? Not sure. I do know that God does not judge, and although he places situations in our lives for a reason, the intent is not to make us feel guilty about doing one thing or not doing something else. The experience you had on Friday night may be a type of a "wake up call," or a reminder that God is in control, and he handled the situation just as much as you handled it. Being a light may happen when we least expect it. Christ calls us to humbly serve others, but we need to remember that we cannot be perfect in our servitude, not until He comes again and shows us what that really means. You and Brian were servants on Friday night.
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